Talking out your ass is an American tradition. We live in a culture where not knowing what the hell you’re talking about is rewarded if you are able to maintain an obnoxiously authoritative tone about it. So the GBs got together and thought, "What if we got a bunch of desperate C-List celebrities together to comment and cap on various pop-culture topics?
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The year was 1985, and for many Americans the future never looked brighter. The Iran-Contra hearings were a full year away and Communism seemed less threatening by the minute. An unlikely hero would manifest as a chattering, computerized head by the name of Max Headroom, offset by the gritty, sockless anti-heroes of the hit crime/drama, Miami Vice.
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Gossiping Bitches & Lex / Warp Records Presents:
Let’s be real with each other now. You know and I know that you’re a newjack, there’s just no denying it. Sure, with search engines and your hip-hop MP3 library on hand, you can feign expertise, but it’s painfully obvious to many that just a little while ago, you didn’t know Grandmaster Flash from Grandmaster B. Your first rap album was Atmosphere’s Overcast! for crying out loud. What you know about hip-hop could fit on the sharp end of a tack. Why not put your lack of knowledge to good use?
E-mail us your most embarrassing tale of newjackery, like the time you said you liked that track “You’re a Customer” by “Ehpmed” or when you wondered aloud why Showbiz and A.G. would align themselves with a crew that goes by the name “Ditzy.” The best stories will be published on the front page and will win some fabulous prizes from Lexoleum Records.
Grand Prize:
Prince Po - The Slickness CD
Prince Po - Social Distortion 7″
Prince Po - Hold Dat 12″ (2 Copies)
2nd Prize:
Danger Mouse and Jemini - Ghetto Pop Life CD
Prince Po - Hold Dat 12″ (2 Copies)
3rd Prize:
Prince Po - Hold Dat 12″ (2 Copies)
Entries must be submitted by August 15th, 2004 by 11:59PM PST
Contest is over. Submit your entries only if you want to embarrass yourself.
* Digital photographs illustrating your newjackness encouraged and welcomed.
Learn more about Prince Po & other fine releases at lexrecords.com.
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The National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States (”9/11 Commission”) has returned to the capital from its 3 night hearing May 28-30 on “Evil-Doing as Hip-hop’s 5th Element”. While the Commission wasn’t set to officially reconvene until June 16 for its twelfth and final public hearing, its members voted unanimously to travel to New York for an unofficial hearing, “on the DL”.
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“We got a little tired of some of these black rappers we’d never heard of getting our money,” Timothy McPaid of Sworn Enemies explains, digging the hole deeper. “Like, um, Defari, or MURS, and motherfuckers like that. It’s like, I don’t see them on BET or anything. Or Direct Effect, none of that shit. That lazy-eyed La La bitch isn’t playing their shit. But look all up on Sandbox or some of these other underground hip-hop retail internet stores, and they’re everywhere! That’s our target market! White people. They’re on our turf.”
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